I joined a furry fetish-focused Discord server around 8 days ago, thinking it’d be a place where I could explore my kinks and maybe even find people who shared them. But instead of feeling connected, I feel like I’m spiraling — and I can’t stop.
The environment is completely overrun by this group of tight-knit regulars who have known each other for like 1-2 years? They’re constantly posting provocative stuff in public channels and the server all around just encourages public kink displays, ERP, and fetish talk. It feeds into this addiction I have no control over. I get jealous watching others interact in ways I crave. Sometimes I even add random people just because they said something I wish was said to me. It almost never works — most ignore me, and one who did respond just leaves me on read while constantly engaging in ERP with others publicly, their excuse being "oh I'm never I'm rarely in the mood for that" but the same day they said that they were literally finishing up a public ERP in that server. That hurts more than if they had never replied at all.
I’ve tried other ways to get attention — like sharing furry porn art that matches my taste — which led to some people interacting with me. One person became obsessed with me, saying they get off to thoughts of me several times a day. But I'm not into them like that really because they're submissive, and I'm also submissive, soo... but I still entertain their attention because I know what it’s like to feel unwanted. So I just… give them what they want, even though it leaves me feeling emptier. Knowing they have the people I want to ERP with on speed dial basically because they're a regular...
I’m not sleeping well, I'm experiencing this impaired cognitive function I've noticed, and it’s even impacting my physical performance in weight lifting class, literally everywhere. My IRL friends asked me things like, "are you okay?" "you seem... tired..." I’m constantly glued to Discord, craving new connections, repeating the same ERP patterns with people over and over just to feel something. I'm dismissing IRL friends kinda to stay extra glued to the Discord stuff too, like when I get DMS from new friends teasing me or something. Every day, it's just: click on the server, post furry porn, chat with whoever bites, rinse and repeat until I crash—exhausted, sad, and barely sleeping. My brain’s foggy, and I’m falling apart because I’m sacrificing everything just to keep up. When people don’t respond, I spiral — checking their statuses obsessively, overthinking everything, even sending desperate messages like “Did I do something wrong?” or “Please don’t ignore me.” It always ends in shame. Well, today, it's kinda different. I have my small collection of tops now that will do stuff with me when I ask sometimes, or every day. I just kinda look in the server and get jealous still when I see genuinly popular furry porn artists that just so happened to be in the small server that I'm in, join in on VRChat meetups to go do horny things that I wish they'd do to me... but I always miss out, and I'm huge fans of their works, so it makes it even worse, because I'm like "fuck I wish I could have them do that to me/talk to me like that..." then I find out they're doing VRChat meetups and I'm missing out, everyone else is getting the attention I see in their art that I want so bad and it fucking destroys me. More on this later kinda.
Most people in this server are mentally unwell or directionless. A lot are broke, chronically online, and seem to thrive in this degenerate bubble. The server owner admitted to living paycheck to paycheck. Others said the same, except one guy who bragged about getting a Cybertruck. There's a sense of hopelessness and desperation throughout, and somehow, I’m still craving their approval and attention.
There’s a furry artist in the server whose content drives me crazy — they post Blender renders of their characters with erotic dialogue. When I found out they were doing VRChat kink meetups without me, I got incredibly jealous. I scrolled through their socials and… well, I went at it twice in a row just to cope. It’s pathetic, but I don’t know how else to handle it.
There’s also a weird double standard. A 17-year-old joined the server a year and a half ago (he’s 18 now), and he’s still a very active member despite the 18+ rule. Meanwhile, another guy told me that being 24 and talking to an 18-year-old made him uncomfortable — but others say he’s one of the most active ERP participants, including with that same Brit.
Most of the server's activity revolves around kink. SFW channels exist, but nobody uses them. It's painfully obvious that the whole place thrives on ERP culture. People publicly flaunt their fetishes and identities, but when someone like me tries to DM them — even respectfully — they act like I’m out of line. Why advertise if you’re just going to reject people for engaging with you?
I’m not proud of who I’ve become in these eight days. I’m consumed by this culture. I’ve joined their VRChat meetups just to feel included, even though they’re basically just group kink sessions with NSFW avatars. But I'm still an outsider — they’ve all known each other for years and don’t seem interested in welcoming new people. I feel invisible unless I’m doing something sexual.
At this point, I know I should leave the server. It’s destroying my self-worth, sleep, mental clarity, and maybe even my future. But I just… can’t. I genuinely feel mentally unable to cut myself off. I’m addicted to the validation, the interactions — even when they’re shallow or damaging.
I just feel so pathetic and worthless, and I feel like killing myself sometimes over stuff like this... this parasocial nonsense, my addiction to this stuff... compulsion, obsession, withdrawal, tolerance, then the negative life consequences that follow. Should I let these people control my life, and get the better of me? Should I let them make me feel bad?
I’m posting this because I want out. I want to regain control of my life, but I don’t know where to start. If anyone has advice, I’m listening.
The environment is completely overrun by this group of tight-knit regulars who have known each other for like 1-2 years? They’re constantly posting provocative stuff in public channels and the server all around just encourages public kink displays, ERP, and fetish talk. It feeds into this addiction I have no control over. I get jealous watching others interact in ways I crave. Sometimes I even add random people just because they said something I wish was said to me. It almost never works — most ignore me, and one who did respond just leaves me on read while constantly engaging in ERP with others publicly, their excuse being "oh I'm never I'm rarely in the mood for that" but the same day they said that they were literally finishing up a public ERP in that server. That hurts more than if they had never replied at all.
I’ve tried other ways to get attention — like sharing furry porn art that matches my taste — which led to some people interacting with me. One person became obsessed with me, saying they get off to thoughts of me several times a day. But I'm not into them like that really because they're submissive, and I'm also submissive, soo... but I still entertain their attention because I know what it’s like to feel unwanted. So I just… give them what they want, even though it leaves me feeling emptier. Knowing they have the people I want to ERP with on speed dial basically because they're a regular...
I’m not sleeping well, I'm experiencing this impaired cognitive function I've noticed, and it’s even impacting my physical performance in weight lifting class, literally everywhere. My IRL friends asked me things like, "are you okay?" "you seem... tired..." I’m constantly glued to Discord, craving new connections, repeating the same ERP patterns with people over and over just to feel something. I'm dismissing IRL friends kinda to stay extra glued to the Discord stuff too, like when I get DMS from new friends teasing me or something. Every day, it's just: click on the server, post furry porn, chat with whoever bites, rinse and repeat until I crash—exhausted, sad, and barely sleeping. My brain’s foggy, and I’m falling apart because I’m sacrificing everything just to keep up. When people don’t respond, I spiral — checking their statuses obsessively, overthinking everything, even sending desperate messages like “Did I do something wrong?” or “Please don’t ignore me.” It always ends in shame. Well, today, it's kinda different. I have my small collection of tops now that will do stuff with me when I ask sometimes, or every day. I just kinda look in the server and get jealous still when I see genuinly popular furry porn artists that just so happened to be in the small server that I'm in, join in on VRChat meetups to go do horny things that I wish they'd do to me... but I always miss out, and I'm huge fans of their works, so it makes it even worse, because I'm like "fuck I wish I could have them do that to me/talk to me like that..." then I find out they're doing VRChat meetups and I'm missing out, everyone else is getting the attention I see in their art that I want so bad and it fucking destroys me. More on this later kinda.
Most people in this server are mentally unwell or directionless. A lot are broke, chronically online, and seem to thrive in this degenerate bubble. The server owner admitted to living paycheck to paycheck. Others said the same, except one guy who bragged about getting a Cybertruck. There's a sense of hopelessness and desperation throughout, and somehow, I’m still craving their approval and attention.
There’s a furry artist in the server whose content drives me crazy — they post Blender renders of their characters with erotic dialogue. When I found out they were doing VRChat kink meetups without me, I got incredibly jealous. I scrolled through their socials and… well, I went at it twice in a row just to cope. It’s pathetic, but I don’t know how else to handle it.
There’s also a weird double standard. A 17-year-old joined the server a year and a half ago (he’s 18 now), and he’s still a very active member despite the 18+ rule. Meanwhile, another guy told me that being 24 and talking to an 18-year-old made him uncomfortable — but others say he’s one of the most active ERP participants, including with that same Brit.
Most of the server's activity revolves around kink. SFW channels exist, but nobody uses them. It's painfully obvious that the whole place thrives on ERP culture. People publicly flaunt their fetishes and identities, but when someone like me tries to DM them — even respectfully — they act like I’m out of line. Why advertise if you’re just going to reject people for engaging with you?
I’m not proud of who I’ve become in these eight days. I’m consumed by this culture. I’ve joined their VRChat meetups just to feel included, even though they’re basically just group kink sessions with NSFW avatars. But I'm still an outsider — they’ve all known each other for years and don’t seem interested in welcoming new people. I feel invisible unless I’m doing something sexual.
At this point, I know I should leave the server. It’s destroying my self-worth, sleep, mental clarity, and maybe even my future. But I just… can’t. I genuinely feel mentally unable to cut myself off. I’m addicted to the validation, the interactions — even when they’re shallow or damaging.
I just feel so pathetic and worthless, and I feel like killing myself sometimes over stuff like this... this parasocial nonsense, my addiction to this stuff... compulsion, obsession, withdrawal, tolerance, then the negative life consequences that follow. Should I let these people control my life, and get the better of me? Should I let them make me feel bad?
I’m posting this because I want out. I want to regain control of my life, but I don’t know where to start. If anyone has advice, I’m listening.
